How to Give Your Partner the Best Lap Dance They'll Ever Have
Even if you're not the best dancer in the world, you can still treat your partner (and yourself) to a mind-blowing lap dance.
Unlike what you might see in music videos and films, a lap dance isn't as much about gyrating your hips in perfect rhythm or hitting every move as it is about creating a performance. The art of the ideal lap dance is more about getting into character, oozing confidence and, most importantly, having fun.
But it's not a skill that necessarily comes naturally, so we talked to experts for tips on how to get it right, step by step.
1. Slip into something comfortable
A lap dance is the perfect occasion to pamper yourself with something that makes you feel super-sexy.
"I recommend some lingerie with a silky kimono," said Isabelle Uren, a certified sex expert, writer and website manager for bedbible.com, a sex blog based in Denmark.
If lace and ribbons make you feel more self-conscious than confident, no worries. You can also wear your favorite T-shirt, underwear or a simple satin robe. The key is to wear something that makes you feel sexy.
2. Set the scene
To make yourself feel more comfortable, have a playlist ready in advance.
"Choose two or three sexy songs that make you feel confident and make you want to move your hips," Uren said.
Slow, sultry music such as the following songs can set the mood:
- "I Feel Like I'm Drowning," by Two Feet
- "Redbone," by Childish Gambino
- "The Hills," by the Weeknd
- "Belong to You," by Sabrina Claudio
- "Work," by Rihanna
You get the idea. Now choose your favorites that make you move sensuously.
Next, turn on some mood lighting—even if it means throwing a tea towel over a table lamp—and light candles to set a romantic scene for your partner.
3. Prepare your partner
The next step is to get your audience of one ready for prime time. Have them sit in a sturdy chair a few feet away from you so they can take in the full view. Make sure there's enough room for you to walk in a circle around them and enough space to dance.
"Unleash your dominant side by laying down the rules," Uren recommended. "'You can look but you can't touch, and there will be a punishment if you break the rules' sounds sexy and authoritative."
4. Start dancing farther away
Standing about 4 or 5 feet away from your partner, sway your hips and get into the music. Let your partner take in your body from every angle as you start caressing your hair, arms, hips and legs.
"Move seductively towards them, swaying your hips to the music, and slowly remove an item of clothing," Uren said.
Then saunter toward them, still dancing, crawling on the floor or a combination of both. If you decide to crawl, make shapes with your body by arching your back or kicking one leg out and dragging it on the floor.
You can also experiment with leg waves on the floor: Sit on your butt facing your partner, put your hands behind your back with your fingers facing forward, and lift your legs into a "V" position. Then slowly bend and straighten your legs for a very seductive visual treat.
5. Make contact with your partner
"The key to a great lap dance is a smooth transition from an air dance—when you aren't making contact with your partner—to a friction dance when you incorporate touch," said Tara Struyk, co-founder of kinkly.com, a sexual content site based in Edmonton, Alberta.
At this stage, the sensory focus shifts from sight to touch. Start by lightly brushing your fingers against your partner's skin, rubbing your leg against theirs, or playfully dragging your foot against their thigh.
"Tease them with a touch on the arm or shoulder here and there between dance moves to leave them wanting more," Struyk suggested.
6. Dance in circles around them
At this point, you can move behind your partner and touch their chest or give them a little shoulder-and-neck massage. You can also kiss them lightly to build arousal.
Alternate angles as you dance to the music. You can move from behind them to the front and turn around, so they have a full view of your butt. You can also move to the side, place one hand on their thigh and bend over to play with the angles of your body.
The lap dance should be as much for you as it is for your partner. It's a chance for you to express yourself and have fun at the same time.
"You've got to own it and carry [yourself] with confidence," Struyk noted. "People tend to focus on their body image or their abilities, but it's actually more about the performance."
7. Straddle your partner
Now comes the actual "lap" part of the dance: Straddle your partner and roll your hips.
"Once you're fully in contact, your libidos will likely take the wheel," Struyk said. "Think of it like a modified cowgirl position and integrate grinding or dry humping to really get things going."
Experiment with moving your hips from side to side, rolling them back and forth, and grinding against your partner. Continue building the intensity by making eye contact, biting your bottom lip, playing with your hair and always moving in tune to the music. You can also change it up by standing up and switching to a reverse cowgirl position, grinding in their lap with your butt.
The finishing touches
Try to keep dancing until the end of the song and keep your body loose, as stiff limbs are an easy way to look awkward. If the first time you give your partner a lap dance feels uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, don't worry—you'll feel more natural as you practice. Even if your performance wasn't 10 out 10, you can bet your partner loved it.
As long as you carry yourself with confidence, touch your hair and body, sway your hips and maintain eye contact, you're going to crush it. Your partner will be blown away, and the sex afterward will be totally amazing. Promise.