Talk With Your Partner About What Low Libido Is (and Isn't)

Hormone imbalances, illnesses and medications are some of the many causes of low libido in men. Low libido isn't always caused by relationship issues such as loss of attraction, lack of connection or infidelity. However, these may be the first thoughts that pop into your partner's mind when they realize you're being affected by low sex drive.

Talking about your low libido with your sexual partner and explaining why it's happening to you can often strengthen your connection and empower your partner to stick by your side as you work on improving your condition. A few tips may help you speak with your partner about your libido.

Make sure the timing is right

Your libido is an important and serious topic, which is why you should make sure the timing is right when you bring it up. Choose a time when you have your partner's full attention and there are no distractions. You may want to avoid talking about it right before bedtime when your partner is tired or when they're busy working or preparing dinner. The right timing can make a significant difference in your partner's response and how they process the information.

Stress the difference between libido and attraction

Low libido isn't the same as loss of sexual attraction, though your partner may initially interpret it as such. Stress the difference between libido and attraction to your partner, emphasizing that your attraction to them hasn't waned, but that other factors are contributing to your decreased sex drive.

Educate your partner about root causes

Low libido is a side effect of many types of medications, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) used to treat depression and opioids used to treat pain. Low libido may also be caused by medical conditions including diabetes, heart disease and andropause (male menopause) and lifestyle habits such as smoking and heavy drinking. If you've met with your doctor or already know the root cause of your low libido, educate your partner about the cause and how it's affecting your sex drive.

Emphasize that it's your issue, not theirs

Despite what you tell your partner about the true cause of your low libido, they may still feel somewhat at fault or take it personally. Emphasize that your low sex drive is your issue—not theirs—and that you still find your partner attractive and sexy. You may also want to tell your partner exactly what you need from them to feel better and get your sex life back on track. For example, if you're feeling insecure about your libido, tell your partner you'd love to hear reassuring statements from them about how they care about you and are willing to help you overcome and treat your condition.

Focus on using 'I' language

When speaking to your partner, focus on using "I" statements as opposed to "you" statements, which can make your partner feel as if they're to blame for the changes in your libido or for making you feel bad about it. For example, if you feel that your partner's words or behavior have insulted you in some way, say "I feel insulted," as opposed to "You've insulted me." Using "I" language can help you approach and resolve problems with your partner productively without triggering an argument or hurt feelings.

Low sex drive and other forms of sexual dysfunction can often be effectively treated and improved regardless of the root cause. Talk to your doctor if you're experiencing low libido and work together to find a treatment or solution, whether it involves switching your medication or taking a more aggressive approach to your treatment regimen for a chronic health condition.