Everyone feels down on themselves from time to time, but when bouts of negative thoughts turn into low self-esteem, experts have noticed a trend in worsened mental health. While making a conscious effort to foster better self-esteem won't cure all your mental-health challenges, it can definitely help.
Being more open and honest
Self-esteem refers to an individual's feelings toward themselves. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), a person with high self-esteem recognizes their good qualities and generally strives for happiness and success, whereas a person with poor self-esteem typically has negative feelings toward themselves that make them feel undeserving of things like happiness, love and success.
Poor self-esteem can feed into mental health struggles in a way that causes a person to feel like they are unworthy of help, beyond help or simply too ashamed to reach out for help in the first place. Conversely, it's sometimes mental health struggles that lead to reduced self-esteem in the first place. In a culture that still stigmatizes mental health challenges, it can be easy to feel like you're "crazy" or "unlovable" because of the struggles you face and the way society judges you if you admit to those feelings.
The CDC reports 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experiences a mental illness in any given year. If you don't personally struggle with mental health challenges, you likely know someone who does. Destigmatizing mental health by being open and honest could help people feel more comfortable seeking help and support.
To that end, Lindsay Zilling, M.S., said it's important to know it's okay to talk to your loved ones about getting professional help. Zilling is a registered behavior technician and a doctoral candidate in the psychology program at Hawai'i Pacific University.
"If your friend showed up one day with a limp, you would probably ask if they had seen a doctor, right?" Zilling said. "You would recognize the limp is unusual for them and would be concerned about their well-being. They might even express physical discomfort to you and you would likely encourage them to get it checked out. Mental health is no different. If you recognize a change in a loved one's thoughts, emotions, or behaviors, it is okay to ask if they have considered talking to a professional.
"Perceived stigma of mental health is one of the most common reasons for not receiving treatment, as well as lack of access to care, lack of knowledge and financial cost."
Self-esteem and mental health
It's not uncommon for people to find that their low self-esteem can negatively affect everything from their work life to their daily responsibilities, and even their close relationships.
While low self-esteem can affect any relationship, it can particularly affect romantic relationships because a person with low self-esteem may turn to isolation as a coping mechanism or find themselves shying away from intimacy in the bedroom as a result of reduced confidence. In fact, having higher self-esteem has been linked to better sex lives.
If you struggle with low self-esteem, a mental health professional can help. Building self-esteem can help your overall mental health and give you the tools you need to value yourself and recognize all that you're capable of. Changing how you feel about yourself won't happen overnight, but NAMI notes that therapy—commonly, cognitive behavioral therapy—can be very useful in finding the root of your negative self-thoughts, and therefore, at adjusting them to be more beneficial to your health and happiness.
Jon Lasser, a practicing psychologist and professor at Texas State University's School of Psychology, said there are strategies individuals can enact on their own to help maintain high self-esteem in the long term.
"Sometimes people benefit from gratitude meditations that basically involve them just taking time to recognize some of the things that they value and appreciate in their lives," Lasser explained. "The research on gratitude is really phenomenal. It shows that when people practice gratitude—for example, by making gratitude lists or journaling about things that they're grateful for—they have a more positive outlook on life, they tend to feel better and they can be more hopeful and optimistic. So that's a simple intervention that anyone can do for self-esteem and self-worth, and it's free."
David Schlosz, a licensed professional counselor who works with children and adults at his private practice in addition to teaching at St. Edward's University and Texas State University, said, oftentimes, too much social comparison can negatively affect self-esteem.
"We compare our insides to other people's outsides," Schlosz said. "And we look at other people that are seemingly successful and we feel like so many people around us seem to have it all together. But those people who are so seemingly successful are often feeling and thinking the same thing. And if we all knew what was going on inside of each other, we would realize that we're not alone, that stacks of us struggle with many things—and that that's okay."
Personally, Schlosz said, he tries to help combat the stigma around mental illness by being transparent and vulnerable about his own mental health when he is in a setting where he feels safe.
"I try to be honest regarding my depression or anything else that I'm struggling with," Schlosz explained. "And I think it can be incredibly risky because there could be prejudice and things like that. But I think if we can be bold enough to do that, then the pressure of not trying to hide it is lifted. Because that's a pressure in and of itself of having to hide the issue in an effort to prevent people from finding out about it for fear of what they're going to think."
Getting support
Roshell Hanse, a licensed associate professional counselor and adjunct professor at Barry University in Miami, Florida, said when it comes to mental health struggles and issues with self-esteem, it's important to lean on your support system and reach out for professional help. That being said, Hanse said to make sure that the loved one you seek support from is someone you trust and feel safe with.
"If you find your mental health is affecting your self-esteem, seek assistance and help," Hanse advised.
Knowing where to start to find a mental health professional can feel daunting. Fortunately, NAMI has a list of tips on what to consider before you start your search as well as various places to start.
If you or someone you know may be thinking about suicide or need immediate emotional support, you should call the National Suicide Prevention Line (1-800-273-TALK (8255)) or text 741741 for the Crisis Text Line at any time of the day. If someone you know expresses suicidal ideation, don't leave them alone and call for immediate professional help.
Hanse noted that she would encourage anyone struggling with low-self esteem to challenge the negative thinking patterns that make them feel unworthy.
"Oftentimes, people will think things like, 'I'm not pretty enough or smart enough,' and it's really important to get them to look at those thinking processes critically," Hanse said. "So they can sometimes challenge those thinking processes by thinking back to the times where they have made accomplishments that validate their intelligence and things like that. Approaching mental health with intention and care is essential.
"That seems to really help clients struggling with these negative thinking patterns, because they'll say, 'I just want to be perfect,'" Hanse added. "And I explore with clients that 'perfect' is a very vague word, and it allows you to keep moving the goalposts because you haven't identified intentionally what 'perfect' is. So, if they say, 'I would like to be smarter,' then we define what that means—does it mean you want to read more books to gain more knowledge? Do you want to go back to school? That allows people to get more concrete rather than abstract in their thinking."
Part of breaking the stigma around mental health is by establishing the societal awareness that it isn't an issue only relevant to "crazy" people. Folks who seek help for mental health are simply struggling and are interested in growth and self-exploration—activities everyone can stand to benefit from.
"Just be authentic," Hanse explained. "I think the stigma partly stems from too much societal pressure to portray what we're supposed to be rather than authentically allowing us to show up as we are. And I think social media has definitely played a large role, having individuals believe that they're supposed to be a certain way. Mental health isn't something to be embarrassed by and it's something everyone needs to take care of for themselves."