What Do Sex Dolls Say About Men?

When Lars Lindstrom, a gentle, socially awkward 27-year-old, met Bianca, a beautiful, kind-hearted missionary, he was instantly enamored and eager to introduce his first girlfriend to his family. His brother and sister-in-law, concerned about Lars' isolated and unromantic lifestyle, couldn't wait to meet her.

Then they realized she was a doll.

The Academy Award-nominated 2007 indie film "Lars and the Real Girl" is one of few nuanced portrayals of sex doll ownership in the media, a sharp contrast to the more prevalent depiction of owners as unattractive and undesirable at best and predatory at worst.

"Some people argue that sex dolls are dangerous in the sense that people can do whatever they want to them, with the concern being that this will increase rates of in-person sexual aggression and violence," said Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., an Indiana-based research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.

Yet, as the film portrays, real-life owners of adult-like sex dolls comprise a diverse range of demographics and have various motives for seeking synthetic companionship, according to experts. Not all of these are sexual, and most aren't nefarious.

A study published in the Journal of Sex Research in February 2022 was one of the first to support that. In the study, researchers at Nottingham Trent University in the United Kingdom compared the psychological traits of men who own sex dolls with those who don't.

A surge in sex doll ownership

Sex dolls have come a long way since Lindstrom's inflatable companion. Today, they're not only anatomically correct but can look and feel incredibly lifelike. Some can even speak and move. They've also become far more accessible and affordable.

There is still a stigma surrounding doll ownership, which remains a relatively niche market. However, interest has risen in the past several years and sales surged during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to Forbes.

Single men still make up a majority of buyers, but more couples have purchased them since early 2020, per Forbes and an August 2022 study by Bed Bible. The latter compiled purchasing data from eight major retailers, three of the largest manufacturers, and a survey of 8,314 people. It found an average 33 percent year-over-year increase in sex doll sales since 2016 and about a 75 percent rise in 2020.

And it wasn't just men who purchased sex dolls. The study indicated that 9.7 percent of American adult men had bought a sex doll and 6.1 percent of American women had, too.

It may be that sex dolls provide a safe, controlled outlet for sexual desires, frustration and aggression that might otherwise be directed at actual people.

That's at least in part because sex toys have generally become less taboo, and has so the idea of using a sex doll, according to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D., a clinical psychotherapist, sexologist and CEO of Holistic Wisdom in Bend, Oregon.

The study concurs with that, stating that 78 percent of adults in the United States owned at least one sex toy.

Changing attitudes toward sexuality and a growing acceptance of diverse sexual preferences may also contribute, she explained.

"It's now better understood that some people use them to explore fantasies in a safe and controlled environment," Lawless said.

What were the conclusions of an international survey?

Researchers conducted an international online survey of 158 men who owned adult-like sex dolls and 135 who didn't. Most owners were from the U.S. (87) and the United Kingdom (33), and their average age 38. Most non-owners surveyed were also from the U.K. and the U.S., and their average age 34.

Of the sex doll owners, 88 were single, 25 were married and 22 were in a relationship. Among the 88 single men, 32 were divorced.

Along with demographic data, the team asked owners to share why they had the dolls. All participants answered questions to assess their emotional health, attachment styles, fantasies about sexual coercion or sadism, disordered personality traits, and proclivity toward sexual aggression.

When comparing data from owners and non-owners, the researchers found no significant differences in most psychological traits. However, owners appeared less prone to sexual aggression and had lower levels of sexual self-esteem. They were more likely to see women as "unknowable" and as sex objects and to express higher degrees of sexual entitlement. Owners were more likely to have obsessive personalities and view the world as "dangerous."

What might these findings mean?

Views on women

Several factors could contribute to objectification and feelings of sexual entitlement, including social isolation, unrealistic expectations about relationships and intimacy, misconceptions and stereotyping, according to Martha Tara Lee, Ph.D., D.H.S., a relationship counselor and clinical sexologist with Eros Coaching in Singapore.

"These can be fueled by a lack of personal relationships combined with media and other online influences perpetuating such thoughts and feelings," Lawless said.

Men with these beliefs may want to control a woman completely, and a sex doll may be a way to create that experience, she added. It's important to note these findings are correlational and don't necessarily imply causation.

"A question that this research cannot answer is what came first: The beliefs or the sex dolls," Lehmiller said. "So for example, are men who see women as sex objects more likely to gravitate toward sex dolls in the first place, or does owning a sex doll increase sexual objectification? We need more data to be able to answer questions like this."

Sexual aggression

"Many have argued that sex doll use is likely to increase rates of sexual aggression," Lehmiller said. "However, these data are inconsistent with that suggestion."

It could be that people with fewer aggressive tendencies are more open to using sex dolls.

Alternatively, it may be that sex dolls provide a safe, controlled outlet for sexual desires, frustration and aggression that might otherwise be directed at actual people.

Again, experts noted that more research is needed to understand this finding, but it may help to counteract some owners' troubling views toward women, Lawless said.

Obsessive personality traits

The association between sex doll ownership and more pronounced obsessive personality traits is speculative and further studies are needed, Lee said, but there are a few possible explanations.

People with obsessive personality traits may be drawn to the meticulous care and maintenance dolls require, as ritualistic behaviors and routines can be soothing for people with these personalities, according to Lawless and Lee. They may also appreciate the ability to customize their doll and use it to fulfill specific fantasies and desires and find it soothing given the high degree of controllability and predictability of a sex doll.

Less sexual self-esteem

"It's possible that persons who have lower sexual self-esteem, to begin with, are more likely to be drawn to sex dolls because they offer some degree of psychological safety—dolls are not going to reject or criticize you," Lehmiller said.

Some people may use sex dolls as a means of exploring their sexuality, fulfilling specific fantasies, or as a tool for sexual experimentation.

There are various reasons for low self-esteem, Lawless said. Sometimes, it may stem from having less experience or success in human relationships. Owners may also use their dolls as a coping mechanism for social anxiety, past trauma or difficulty forming intimate relationships, which could indicate a predisposition for self-esteem issues.

The stigma surrounding sex doll ownership may be another contributing factor.

Can sex dolls replace human connection?

Experts have suggested that for some owners of sex dolls, isolation and a lack of positive human interaction could contribute to emotional troubles and concerning beliefs about other people and themselves. But whether owning a synthetic companion improves or hinders health and well-being varies greatly from one person to another.

"The limited data on sex doll ownership point to a range of experiences, as with everything else in life. Many doll owners report high satisfaction levels, and some feel an intimate connection to them," Lehmiller said. "Some also forge a sense of identity and community online with other sex doll owners, which may serve as a buffer against loneliness and isolation."

While doll ownership might meet some people's emotional and psychological needs, it could present challenges for others, including inhibiting real-life relationships, Lawless noted. Being intimate solely with a synthetic partner might also inhibit communication skills, including empathy and the ability to compromise, which are essential for human companionship.

"While sex dolls can provide physical satisfaction, they cannot replace the emotional connection and social interaction that many people seek in relationships," Lee said.

The bottom line

The study provides a mere glimpse into the minds of some sex doll owners. Experts indicate that the findings shouldn't be used to make generalizations or assumptions about all people with synthetic companions.

Everyone's experience is distinct, and owners come from a broad spectrum of demographics.

"It's important to recognize that sex dolls can serve various purposes for different individuals. Some people may use sex dolls as a means of exploring their sexuality, fulfilling specific fantasies, or as a tool for sexual experimentation," Lee said. "Others may find companionship and emotional connection with their dolls. It's crucial to approach the topic without judgment and respect individuals' choices as long as they are consensual and legal."

If you have specific questions or concerns about sex dolls, Lee said, speak with a therapist or sexologist who can provide informed support.