The Consequences of Teen Sexting

Anyone with a teenager in their home knows how hard it can be to maintain a line of communication. When our children are young, they seek our help, advice and connection. When children become teenagers, this connection changes and they often no longer want, or listen to, our advice.

This rejection is an important part of their development. As painful as it can be for parents, they need to understand that this is their teenager's way of establishing independence.

Despite the inevitable eye rolls from your child, sexting is an important topic for conversation, as it can have devastating social and legal consequences. But when our teenager's natural response to our advice is to reject it and rebel against it, how can we try to prevent them from sexting?

The prevalence of sexting

Sexting is when someone sends, forwards or receives a sexually explicit or suggestive message, or a nude or semi-nude photo or video. This is primarily done via phone, app, text, email or webcam. The content of the photos or videos can be real or simulated, and the words in a message may propose sex or refer to sex acts.

Studies have indicated about 15 percent of teens have sent a sex text and as many as 27 percent have received one. Of course, they're not always being exposed to the best role models: 3 in 4 young adults over the age of 18 have participated in sexting.

Regardless of your teen's response to the sexting conversation, it's important they understand sexting consequences, which can range from lesser social issues to extreme penalties: federal prosecution for child pornography. In many states, a person is considered a minor until age 18.

In the best case, which is still not a positive outcome, sexting can result in public humiliation or even blackmail. When your teenager sends a sext to a peer or partner, this image is no longer their own to control. It can be posted and shared on social media both publicly as posts and privately via personal or group messages. Once it's out there, it's out there forever.

While most social media platforms have strict pornography policies and will help to remove the image, there's no guarantee the images will ever be completely deleted.

While most social media platforms have strict pornography policies and will help to remove the image, there's no guarantee the images will ever be completely deleted. Prior to this social humiliation, your teen could be blackmailed or manipulated by the peer who possesses the photo. What might seem like an innocent exchange can quickly become a dangerous situation for your teen.

Once the photos become public or your teen is caught participating in sexting, they can face punishments that range from exclusion from school activities to expulsion and/or legal action.

Each state has its own set of laws regarding sexting, so it's important to know these laws and share them with your teen. For example, in Pennsylvania, children younger than 12 who participate in sexting can face child pornography charges. Children ages 12 to 18 are typically charged with a misdemeanor offense, which at 18 becomes part of the teen's permanent adult record.

Sexting laws also fall under federal jurisdiction because of sexting's classification as pornography, so depending on the type of pictures, your teen may also face federal charges of child pornography. If found guilty, they may find themselves registered as a sex offender, a listing that will follow them for life wherever they choose to live.

Talking with your teen

Most parents might say, "My teen knows better " or "If this happened, they would tell me, a teacher or their principal."

However, this is not always the case. Tazmine Weisgerber faces sexual attitudes up close as the training and technical assistance manager for Answer, a sex education platform based at Rutgers University in New Jersey. She explained that the stigma surrounding sex and sex ed makes sexual topics taboo in most youth settings, including at home. This stems from a lack of comprehensive sex education (CSE).

"Not only does CSE provide medically accurate information, but when done correctly, it allows young people to think critically about our culture's views," Weisgerber explained. "Teens should be analyzing why society believes enjoying sex is shameful."

When the core message of sex education is that sex results in teen pregnancy, disease and social shaming, teens subliminally understand that if they divulge their sexual activities, they will be shamed or punished for their behavior.

"Comprehensive sex education can at least set the groundwork for a more sex-positive society," Weisberger said. "I grew up in a household that was very sex-positive, and the kids in my neighborhood I often played with were boys several years older than me."

Weisberger explained that outside of her childhood home, she learned open sexual conversation among women was frowned upon and most male conversations were rife with myths and misconceptions.

"I really struggled with this idea, and it pushed me to want to change the status quo," she said.

'Comprehensive sex education can at least set the groundwork for a more sex-positive society.'

She recommended talking about sex openly and honestly with your children starting at a young age so they will see you as an advocate and not an authoritarian to fear.

"Teens are hardwired to rebel against authority, so much so that they will risk their future in an effort to stand against a perceived injustice," said Kimberly Pisarcik, a licensed clinical social worker in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.

"Parents too often lay out edicts and speak to their teen in terms of rules of what they can and cannot do," she added. "We do this because we want to protect our children, but our teens simply identify this as the next fence to jump."

Instead, Pisarcik recommended parents educate themselves about their state's laws and realize that while their teen is not legally an adult, they do have the intelligence to understand "adult topics."

"The only barrier in this discussion is your willingness to have a discussion rather than a lecture," she said.

Building an open dialogue

Parents often see themselves as superiors to their children when they're younger, but teenagers' needs are different. While we must sometimes dish out consequences, it's important to be an advisor. When we create an open dialogue and talk to our teens about the consequences of sexting and other damaging behaviors, we're giving them the chance to understand that these actions carry real-world consequences.

The key to this discussion with your teen is to emphasize this advice is not a rule imposed by their parents but a set of state and federal laws that have lasting consequences. When we present this message to our teens, we have an opportunity to show teens we are here to support them. They should feel these conversations are held in a safe space where we have set aside our judgments to help them prevent or overcome potentially dangerous situations that can arise from texting sexual or suggestive content.

After all, if our teens can't feel safe at home, how can they expect any other place to provide safety?